Is it time for you to ‘get out of your own way’ ?
I hear you…
I was you for so long. But this self sabotage needs to stop.
For so many years, I sabotaged everything in my life. My health, my relationships, my friendships, my happiness, you name it girlfriend. Here is the thing..
There are many reasons why we self sabotage. You find yourself making decisions that don’t support your vision, goals or intentions, and then you end up in a rut. And then, we keep making these decisions, thinking something eventually is going to change. It’s insanity!
First you need to understand why you do what you do.
Your behaviours are always driven by your thoughts and emotions. Let’s say you want to lose weight but you keep eating that chocolate biscuit at 3pm. The choice to eat that biscuit is based purely on your thoughts and emotions. Your hand does not reach into the biscuit bowl on its own accord. It does not have its own brain which makes it move without your permission. Get where I am going with this?
You go for the chocolate biscuit because you more then likely have a core belief, that contradicts and sabotages your goal, which is to lose weight. Your belief may be ‘when I am stressed, unhealthy food makes me feel good’ and BAM! There goes your will power (and healthy eating)
Core beliefs are held in the subconscious mind. That voice inside your head. Your mean girl. The voice that wants to sabotage EVERYTHING you do! Because our mean girl is so powerful, when we aren’t aware that she is paying us a visit and running the show, we listen to her and let her determine our choices. When we do this on a daily basis, we just end up on a downward spiral.
You may be looking for your soul mate. You meet a nice guy, things are going well, and then BAM! Your mean girl pops up again and says ‘Don’t get close to this person. Remember the last time you did, you got hurt’ So then you start to believe it, and say to yourself, ‘I am not worthy’ of love’, ‘I am not good enough to love’, or ‘If I love again, I am only going to get hurt’ And as a result, you sabotage the relationship before it even begins, and you wonder what the hell happened or why it didn’t work out…girlfriend, it’s because YOU stopped it in it’s tracks! You listened to your fear, and created the outcome all on your own. (I am telling you this with love of course. Like a bestie giving you the hard, but loving truth)
This kind of behaviour will affect all areas of our life, like your career, health, relationships, happiness, everything..
So how do we break free of, and get a tight grip on self sabotage?
1. Awareness – First, you have to become very aware of what you are doing, and why you are doing it. Like anything, you can’t change something you don’t even know exists. What I mean by this is, becoming aware of your limiting and sabotaging beliefs. What are the stories that your subconscious mind (your mean girl) keeps telling you, that are stopping you in your tracks, and sending you on a detour down self sabotage lane. It could even be a fear around success. We all have, what I like to call a ‘success limit’ This means we have cultivated a belief as to HOW successful we are going to be, and when we hit that limit, we freak out and start to self sabotage. The only limits you have, are the ones you place on yourself.
What I want you to do, is grab a journal, and start writing down all of the limiting, self sabotaging beliefs you carry with you on a daily basis. More importantly, if you have a goal you wish to achieve, what is the belief you have around this goal that is stopping you from achieving it?
2. What is your WHY for wanting a healthier lifestyle, romantic partner, dream job, happiness etc? – When ever we want something in life, we need to become so crystal clear on WHY we want it! This is because our WHY, ultimately is going to become our driving force to achieve it. When we aren’t crystal clear on our why, our sabotaging ways and beliefs will have a much better chance of taking us on a detour, because our WHY isn’t strong enough or clear enough for us to stay committed.
Grab your journal, and write down your WHY. WHY do you want, what you want? Make sure it inspires you enough to take action. Keep this why at the forefront of your mind. The more you can do this, the stronger you will become at stopping your mean girl in her tracks, and self sabotage will become a thing of the past gorgeous (happy dance!)
3. Start cultivating positive beliefs – As I mentioned before, self sabotage comes down to two things. Your beliefs and emotions. There for, it makes sense to start cultivating positive ones, right!? So that is exactly what I want you to do. When we can reprogram our beliefs to positive instead of negative, we end up attracting positive outcomes in our life. It is really that simple! The best way to do this, is to start ‘affirming’ what you do want through affirmations.
If you have an icky belief such as, ‘I am not loveable or worthy of love’ start saying to yourself ‘I am so worthy of someone that loves me wholeheartedly for who I am because I am an amazing person!’
So write down all of your icky beliefs, and for each one, cultivate a new belief that is positive. Remind yourself of it every day, and watch what starts to happen in your life.
4. Show yourself some love girlfriend! – One thing that breaks my heart, is when I see clients beating themselves up, and being so critical towards themselves. So much so, that they completely bypass all the good they have achieved! I get it though. I did this for so long too. Until I realised it was no good for me, and was just another way I was sabotaging myself. Show yourself some love! Look at how far you have come instead of how far you have to go. That in itself is motivation to keep you on your path.
When you can take a step back and go, ‘I am actually kicking some serious butt!’ your energy increases, and you vibrate from a higher frequency, which means your positive awareness is heightened. This is going to attract more and more of the good stuff, and almost completely eliminate self sabotage…give me some of that, I say!
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Now I want to hear from you! I would love for you to share with me and all of the other amazing women that visit this space every day, how do you deal with self sabotage? Do you have your own steps you implement? Or are you on the other end, and you find self sabotage has become your new bestie?
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