If there is one thing I have learnt going through relationships that just didn’t work out, whether it was with a love interest, friend or family member, it is this…
Nothing ruins relationships faster then expectations.
Expectations are a sure and fast way to sabotage ANY relationship you are in.
You see, if you think about it, all our relationships in our life come with a label such as, partner, mother, father, friend, brother, sister, boss etc. And with this ‘label’ then comes ‘expectations’ or a list of criteria we subconsciously create, and expect from this person.
Over time, this is just how we have been programmed to believe is the truth. But the reality is, it is NOT our truth. It never has been. Since when did we reserve the right to place expectations on anyone? What we forget is, we are all operating on different systems. I am apple, you are samsung, so to speak. No two people are ever going to operate the same. And that is OK! That is what makes us unique and makes the world go round.
When we expect people to ‘be’ a certain way with us, we arent allowing them to fully show up as themselves. Instead we try to mould them to show up how WE want them to show up, which then results in a whole lot of angst and drama…
You’re my brother so you should do this for me.
You’re my mother so you should provide me with everything
You’re my friend so you should act how I believe a friend should act.
You’re my partner so you should put up with my crap, take out the rubbish, earn X amount and spoil me, all at the same time.
Fact is, if it was anyone else or if you removed the label, you probably wouldn’t treat them the same way. But because you’ve placed them in a box and attached a label, it seems to make it ‘okay’.
Absolutely NOT my dear..
Just imagine if you dropped all of your expectations you had on everyone in your life right now, and just let them be their beautiful self. How much more blissful and peaceful would your relationships be!?
The reality is, this is something you CAN choose to make your reality! But that is exactly what it is. A CHOICE you have to make. Do you want to have loving, meaningful, and blissful relationships in your life? Or do you want relationships that are draining, toxic and unhappy?
Hell, I know what I would choose any day girlfriend!
Here is the other thing. It isn’t just the expectations we place on others that are hurting us. There are also the ones you place on yourself…
You should have a tighter ass, clearer skin, and a six-pack.
You should have your dream home by now, and driving your dream car
You should be earning X amount
You should have found your soul mate by now
Am I getting warm?
All of these expectations you place on yourself and others, is simply just your mean girl talking, and her way of keeping you stuck. It is her way of creating all of that fear and angst you feel inside, and guess what? So far you have been letting her win!
No more gorgeous. Let her go. It is your truth to just love and be loved. That is all. Yet over time we forget that, and as a result we end up sabotaging relationships in our life.
Is it going to be easy to just get rid of our expectations all of a sudden now? No, absolutely not. It is something you have to work on religiously every single day! Like I always say, to change anything, you first need to be aware of what needs to be changed.
So in saying this, I challenge you this week, to write down a list of all the people in your life. Then next to it, write down any expectation you currently have of them.
Once you have done this, I want you to then say out loud to yourself:
I now release the expectation of ____________that I currently have on _________ and I will allow them to fully show up as themselves. As a result, our relationship will become beautiful
It is your responsibility to take action. It is your responsibility to create the kind of relationships you want in your life. So drop your expectations, and your life WILL change for the better.
Share the love…!
Now I want to hear from you! I would love for you to share with me and all of the other amazing women that visit this space every day, what expectations do you currently have on yourself or others, and how do you remove them?
Let me know below beautiful.
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