Why you fear time on your own…and how you can start to embrace it!

I get it, spending time on your own can sometimes seem boring, and at times, even daunting. I have come across lots of clients (including myself a few years back!) that find it really hard to be on their own. And I don’t mean being alone because you aren’t in a relationship. I mean physically just hanging with yourself..

For some, and definitely for me a few years back, when ever I had to be on my own, because everyone around me was busy, or my partner had other plans, a lot of anxiety, upset and fear would start brewing.

When we aren’t ok just chillin on our own, it can be for many reasons, and normally it stems from an underlying fear or belief we have created from childhood.

Maybe as a child at some point you felt abandoned, and as a result it left you feeling unloved.

Maybe you need to be around others in order for you to feel good about yourself, and you rely on others to entertain you and make you happy

Or it may just be because you love people

Either way, if you are reading this going ‘YES! this is me!’ I want you to first know, it’s completely normal, and very common, BUT gorgeous, it is not healthy.

Here is why it is unhealthy, and what you can do about it.

+ First of all, if you are the ‘needy’, type and don’t enjoy time on your own, you are actually doing yourself an injustice. When you don’t allow yourself to have ‘me time’ you are depriving yourself of some serious bonding time with YOU! And girlfriend, that is a must! Me time is a time where you can really connect with who you are, what you want, why you want it and what makes you truly happy. When you don’t check in with yourself on a regular basis, eventually over time you will lose your individuality and lose sight of who you really are.

+ You are also depriving yourself of learning to love and accept you as you are with out needed that permission, or acceptance of others in order to ‘feel good’

+ To truly love, appreciate and accept others, we need to truly love, appreciate and accept ourselves first. So, in saying this, you are actually doing others an injustice as well by depriving yourself of ‘me time’ When you haven’t checked in with yourself and accepted yourself, you wont be able to give that to others. This only means you wont show up authentically for others and in your day to day life. How can we if we are so out of touch with who we are? This is something I did for so long. I became so reliant on others to bring me happiness and love, I didn’t know how to give it to myself, and as a result, I was stuck in fear town every time I had to entertain myself.

 After coaching clients I have noticed a trend. People that come to me with this exact problem, and tell me they have trouble being on their own and feel they are needy of their friends, partner or family, are actually just struggling to love and be happy within themselves.

So what do we learn out of this peeps?…..IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU!

There are so many reasons why having ‘me time’ and being content with your own company is crucial for your well-being. As I said before, it is a time you can spend on your own doing what you love! Now to me, that sounds enticing right!? It is a time that you can completely be with yourself, reflect on everything and create a strong bond with yourself.

Your just simply enjoying the peace and quite and recharging. You will also find that it can strengthen relationships. This is because it allows you to still be your own person and gives you space, so when you are with your loved ones, you enjoy each others company even more and appreciate each other more. No one can function properly 24/7 and not have time out for themselves, and if you are then you aren’t allowing yourself to be your best for you and others around you. You simply can’t be expected to be switched on every single minute of the day. After all we are only human right!? Most people that schedule time on their own and enjoy their ‘me time’ are very peaceful, in touch with themselves and very aware of who they are and what they want.

Ok Alissa, so how do I schedule me time AND enjoy it, you ask?

Well, here are 5 easy steps you can follow.

1. Schedule time –  First you need to schedule the time in your diary. If you haven’t set a time or date for yourself to do this how can you expect to make it happen. Whether it’s for an hour or a full day. How ever long you need.

2. The hard and loving truth from me – Accept it girlfriend – If your partner, friends or family have told you, they aren’t free then accept it and know that it doesn’t mean they love you any less. Instead of feeling neglected, get excited about having some you time!

3. Plan ahead – If you have been given plenty of notice that on X day you will be on your own, then plan ahead. Plan something for yourself to do so you wont be sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, instead make it productive.

4. Make a list of things you enjoy doing – Making a list of the things you enjoy doing for you is a sure way of enjoying time on your own. It can be as simple as, doing your nails, reading a book, working on your business, going to the gym, walking your dog, skydiving! Whatever it may be, make a list of what will nourish your soul, make you happy and do it! Even if it is completing or catching up on chores you know you have put off for a while, this is the time for you to do them. You will feel a real sense of accomplishment!

5. Plan and reflect – This could be the perfect time for you to plan and reflect on your life. To see where you are at and where you want to be. Use it as a time to set some serious goals for yourself.

So I hope this helps you my friends. I hope you have a better understanding of why me time is so important and the next time you find yourself on your own, you will now look at it as an opportunity for yourself! With love, Alissa xx


Share the love…!

Now I want to hear from you! I would love for you to share with me and all of the other amazing women that visit this space every day, how do you spend time on your own? What are the things that you do to make it enjoyable for you, and if you struggle with ‘me time’ share below why, and maybe we can give you some more insight 🙂

Let me know below beautiful.

With Love,

Alissa xx




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