Why your ‘soul mate’ hasn’t turned up yet (and what you can do about it)

You find a nice guy, you go out on a few dates, things seem to be going well, then BAM! He is no longer interested…You find a nice guy, you go out on a few dates, things seem to be going well, then BAM! He is no longer interested..and this pattern just goes round and round and round. Sound familiar?

Girl, I have so been there, done that, JUST like you! And it really sucks, I know. So let me fill you in a little on my story.

You see for years, I would date guys, and it would just NEVER work out. They would either leave me, and I was left feeling like, what the hell is wrong with me!? Or when they were interested, I would leave them, (go figure!) and I would get the hard word from mum who would say ‘Alissa, he is a nice guy and seems really interested in you, why are you not interested!?’ And in all honesty, I couldn’t answer that question either. This was my life when it came to relationships for about 7 years.

All I wanted, was to find ‘Mr Right’. I wanted to be saved and I was looking for someone to be my saviour…and there it is.There lies the problem..

Looking back now, and having found my soul mate, so much has become evident to me. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing isn’t it? I was doing it ALL wrong! Every relationship I entered, I realised I was filling a void in them, and they were filling a void in me, and we just did a really good job at feeding each others insecurities and egos. That kind of relationship is never going to work, and here is why.

When we look to others, to fill us up with love, happiness, joy, freedom, security, respect, worthiness, you name it, when we look externally for those things instead of internally, we are constantly going to be looking to others to make us feel good. Hence the reason I mentioned before about men filling a void for me for so many years, and visa versa.

‘So, how do I find my soul mate Alissa?’ you ask…

Firstly, you need to be BURSTING with love for yourself first, before you can truly call in your soul mate. This isn’t something that is just going to happen overnight. Working on filling your self-love tank is a daily practice that YOU have to hold yourself accountable to my sweet friend, no one else. And this is why I see so many relationships fall to pieces. Because both parties haven’t found the love they need to find for themselves, and instead, they are just looking to be ‘fixed’ When you can honestly say, you are completely full of love for yourself, your soul mate is just like the cherry on top of the cake. They compliment you, and you compliment them, and there are no expectations of each other. You just fully embrace the love of your significant other, and that is what makes a relationship truly beautiful.

So I am going to ask you now, what is one (or more then one) thing you can start doing TODAY, for yourself, that is going to completely fill you up with love? It could be taking 20 minutes for you every day to meditate, going for a walk in nature, just do something you absolutely love! Every time you are feeling like you need a little loving top up, step away from the phone and refrain yourself from looking externally, and pick something off your self love list.

The next reason why you may be struggling to find your soul mate, is because of this..Are you teaching others how YOU want to be treated? And if so, are you treating yourself this way? Let me clear this up. For so long I was treating myself like a door mat. I had no self love or self worth, and as a result, that is exactly how I was being treated in return. You see people will treat you, exactly how you treat yourself. How can you expect a significant other to treat you with love and respect, if you don’t treat yourself that way? It is a pretty simple equation when you think about it, isn’t it?

So my darling, is it time for you to lift your standards? Is it time for you to start lovingly put out there HOW you wish to be treated? Take a step back and really ask yourself this question. How can you raise your standards, and what can you do to help teach others how you want to be treated.

A little side note though. If you want to be treated with love and respect, then you have to treat others the same way. It’s a two way street, capish? 😉

And lastly, are you ready for it? This one can leave some a little flabbergasted, and others stomping their feet, with both arms crossed like a child that isn’t getting their way. Are you taking RESPONSIBILITY for how you are showing up in your relationship? And I mean in all areas? I get it, it is so much easier to point the finger and blame in any relationship let alone a romantic partner, and it is a hell of a lot harder to take a step back, and actually say, ‘Ok, so how am I showing up right now? How did I contribute to this little mess right now?’ Some of you might be reading this going, ‘ha! yea good one Alissa’. But, do I sound like I am joking? nah uh girlfriend. I am here to give you the hard, loving honest truth. It is time for you to put on your big girl panties, stop carrying on like a child, and step up to the party here.

Remember, every time you point the finger, there are three pointing back at you, so what have you done to contribute to the mess, and HOW can you take responsibility? When you can do this, you are actually taking back the control (in a good way) and you will productively sort out, what ever needs to be sorted out. Taking responsibility in your relationships, is going to allow for a much more loving, and effortless relationship, there for calling in your soul mate becomes easier.

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Share the love…!

Now I want to hear from you! I would love for you to share with me and all of the other amazing women that visit this space every day, HOW are you going to fill yourself up with more self-love, teach others HOW you want to be treated, and where are you going to step up and start taking responsibility in your relationships? Again thank you so much for being here, and sharing so wholeheartedly.

With Love,

Alissa xx

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